Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
