Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
