Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
