sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
