she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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