Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
