maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
