I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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