O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
