That's intense
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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