look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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