some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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