uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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