but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
