I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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