Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
