I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
