i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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