she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
