Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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