the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
