Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
