I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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