I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
