JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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