Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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