She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
