I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
