before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
