I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
