Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize