We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
