so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
