Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
