she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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