New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
