I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
