So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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