I got chris browned last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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