Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
