Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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