I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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