they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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