On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
