I'm jealous of your bromance
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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