No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
