your parents love me but you hate me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
