he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
