Jerry, you need to find god
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
