Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
