I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize