hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
