I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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