Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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