dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
