Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just high enough for therapy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
