In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
