I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
