Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
