Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
