Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
