I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i've created a new STD.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
