Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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