well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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