oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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