If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
