How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
