he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
